Irah's Diary

2010-01-18T06:34:00.000-08:00

Went kite flying with my family and my darling on Saturday afternoon at the empty field near my house..There were more den 20 kites flying about..Well i guess this is a new hobby for the people staying near my area..Well i shall let my pics do the talking..This are some pics that i get to capture..The beautiful moments

2010-01-12T23:00:00.000-08:00

The day you started lying to me is the day my trust for you died
Chance after chance was given to you but you just didn't notice it
The wound is still bleeding deep inside me
I try to heal it on my own but it just would not go away
I tried my best not to be over possesive towards you
But i know i shouldnt lie to you or to myself
Those heart aches i bury it deep inside my heart trying not to dig out again
I can forgive and i can forget but i wont forget how you made me feel
The pain is undescribeable..
Sorry to say up to today you're still not able to gain my trust back
Try to put yourself in my shoes and see how it feels
Materials can buy love for other girls but not for me
What matters is sincerity and those little details

2010-01-11T03:16:00.000-08:00

Here i am lying on my bed blogging away not being able to sleep when my class is like at 10am today...I just cant get my self to sleep..Im not sure is it because of stress of either im just not doing enough activity during the day to tire me up and make me sleep..Tmr's my first class for abnormal psychology and my first time meeting the lecturer who's teaching this module hope everything's fine and that i can understand whatever the hell is going on with this lack of sleep..I've already gotten my first assignment..Just imagine on the 2nd day of class i've already gotten my assignment!!!..Thats damn fast!!...Oh boy!!..What do you expect, students in poly take 3 years to complete their diploma while for me, a private student i only have 1 year to complete and get everything into the thick headed skull and brain of mine...Besides class we also have to do 3 hours of voluntary work and after that back to class..the hell day is coming soon then only i guess i would be able to sleep..

Besides school that im very stressed about is also my family matters...All i can say is im sick and tired..I wouldnt want to wash my dirty laundry here in public so i shall just keep it to myself..All i can say is i regret being born in this family be it my father's side or my mother's side..

2010-01-05T15:00:00.000-08:00

Wow!!!..I havent been blogging for a while huh...Guess im too lazy or either i just cant find the time to do so..Not sure what im busy with actually accept for just lazing around at home...School started yesterday and it was fine just as what i expected a private school to be..But the funny thing is i thought the whole class so suppose to consist of only new students but instead there were only 3 students and the rest was all previous students who joined in June..Altogether there was about less than 15 students in the class..Well thats the advantage i guess so that i can concentrate more with lesser people..Met with one of the lecturer yesterday who is in charge of cognitive psychology class..She's very friendly and fun to listen to..Though cognitive psychology class could get very dull she tried her best to make it as enjoyable as possible..As for today there's no class till thurs so i can do my research and read up my notes given yesterday...

Klah till here...need to get back to my research!!..Take care peeps!!

2009-12-06T01:58:00.000-08:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

2009-12-05T21:55:00.000-08:00

Leaving at home rite now for me is like living in hell...None of my family members are talking to me..I mean im fine with that cause i know that when they are in trouble or they need help then only will they come and find me..Im always someone who they use when they are in need of help after that they throw me away..When i make a small mistake, to them its like so big that they cannot forgive..haha..Well that's my family..They only know how to blame and not find the cause of what happen and why is it i turn out to be this way...This doesnt only apply to my family, it applys to the entire Hamid family..One time they will blame each other and speak bad things behind the other party but when they're ok to them its like nothing happen...Isnt that what u called HYPOCRITE????!!!!...Well for me one thing is clear i dont want to be that way, i would rather keep quite and not talk to anybody rather then turn out to be hypocrite just like my other family..I just cant be bothered anymore lar, what ever happens just let it be lar...Im sure there's going to be one big fight one day and on that day Hamid family will know who i am...The hatred i kept deep inside me for 21years will be out...For now what i know is i want to concentrate on my studies and i still have people who i can turn to, my friends and especially my dear boyfriend who's most of the time there for me...Sometimes its true how friends and bf turns out to be someone who you could talk to openly instead of your own family members..My mum is good at advicing others and showing care and concern for them but not to her own children especially me, her own one and only daughter..Im just sick and tired looking at her stupid acts..How i hope any of my family members would be reading this post so that it could knock some sense into the thick skulls of theirs....There's so many mr and mrs perfect in this family..Hey dearest uncle and aunties do you even know what your own child is doing out there??!!!...He/she could even be fucking someone out there!!!!!!!!!!!....You guys are just so good at hiding your own bad side, well to bad im not...Who i am in front of you guys is who i am outside...I have no time to act up all goody in front of you guys and at the back, a fucking bitch!!!..You guys love to blame me and my brothers and give us all that crap advices but then in the first place did you guys even look into the mirror and ask if you guys are even that good to give an advice???!!!!...WELL I DONT THINK SO!!!!!...Argh!!!...Im sick and tired of this family lar!!!...Baby please get me out of this family soon!!!...I think i should follow your advice and run to Thailand and get married there..hahaha...I just hope i dont have to go to that extend..

2009-12-05T02:09:00.000-08:00

There’s nothing I can say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears they cry
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you’d go
I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I’ll never let you go
I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life
I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK
I thought that I had every thing
I didn’t know what life could bring
But now I see honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe cause your here with me
And if I let you down
I’ll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go
Cause with out you I can’t sleep
I’m not gonna ever ever let you leave
You’re all I gotYou’re all I want
And with out you I don’t know what I’ll do
I could never ever live a day with out you
Here with me do you see your all I need

Note to Baby:

Im sorry for what happen this past few weeks. I know its been rough for us but i hope we'll pull it through.. Im not ready to lose you n i know i will never be. You mean so much to me.

2009-10-24T01:45:00.000-07:00

Ya allah...

Kau beri lah aku petunjuk mu..
Adakah dia lelaki yang aku cari selama ini?
Adakah dia lelaki yang akan menjadi pendamping hidup ku?
Apakah dia yang akan membimbing aku dan keluarga yang akan kita bina di esok hari kelak?

Ya allah ya tuhan ku...

Kau lindungi lah kami...
Kau lindungi lah hubungan kami dari apa pun masalah dan bencana...
Ampunilah dosa-dosa yang telah kami perbuat selama ini antara sengaja atau pun tidak
Sesungguhnya aku sangat mencintai nya...
Kau beri lah petunjuk mu untuk hamba mu ini...
Sekiranya kami tidak di takdir kan bersama, kau tunjuk kan lah sebelum aku lebih mendalam mencintainya...

Ya allah...

Aku bersyukur kepada mu kerana telah membawa nya ke dalam kehidupan ku...
Dia telah membawa kebahagiaan, kesedihan dan kesakitan ke dalam hidup ku...
Dia telah membuat aku tertawa...
Dia telah membuat aku menangis...
Dia telah menyakiti aku...
Tetapi cinta di dalam hati aku ini terlalu kuat untuk nya...

Ya allah...

Kau sedar kan lah nya...
Kau lindungi lah dia...
Kau berikan lah dia juga pertunjuk mu...
Buka kan lah hati nya untuk berubah...
Walau macam mana sakit nya hati hamba mu ini aku akan tetap bersabar...
Buka kan lah hati nya untuk menerima diri ku ini sepenuhnya di dalam hati nya...
Buka kan lah hati nya untuk melupakan masa lalu nya yang menyakitinya dan juga yang sangat menyakiti diri ku ini...
Aku sanggup korban kan apa pun demi nya meskipun nyawaku...
Begitu besar cinta ku terhadap nya...
Dan insyallah dengan berkat mu akan ku cuba untuk membimbing nya balik ke jalan yang benar meskipun diri ku ini penuh dengan kekurangan...

Ya allah....

Aku tau cinta itu indah tetapi lebih pahit...
Kuat kan lah diri ku untuk bersabar...
Aku pernah gagal tetapi akan ku pasti kan bukan kali ini...
Sesungguhnya aku sangat mencintai nya lebih dari apa pun...

Ya allah...

Akhir sekali sampai kan lah doa ku ini kepadanya...
Hanya pada mu aku mengadu dan dari mu ku minta pertunjuk...

Amin ya rabbanal alamin

2009-10-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

Hey people how ya'all doing?..Especially to my friends i miss them so much...I miss my schooling days which kept me busy everyday..Im now at century square with baby, eating my favourite chicken handmade noodle...Everythings settled and im so relieved rite now...I could breath easily now and have a good sleep, there's no need to cry anymore before putting myself to bed..thats one thing i should be happy about...My eyes just cant open rite now but im forcing myself to coz i didnt slept that well for this past few days...I'll soon be registering for school at School of Applied Studies (SAS) for my Specialist Diploma in Psychologist (Education)..Im so happy to be going to school again at least there's something to keep me busy rather den just slacking at home and im that one step closer to my dream of at least achieving a degree in my life...At last i can continue my study at the diploma level...I'll be back soon to update you guys more...Gtg now...Baby's bck from the toilet..Take care peeps!!!..PEACE!!

2009-08-15T23:45:00.000-07:00

I only have one thing to say

Baby's coming back tmr...Yahoo!!!!!!!!

2009-08-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the late update ya'all...Well its not that i was busy with work or what its just that i had no mood to update..Baby left for KL on Monday (03/08/09) for two weeks..We had problems on trying to communicate with each other and we only got in contact after a few days of his stay there..We chatted through msn using the video call but the reception wasnt that good, hence that explains the pixelated video...But after a few days of not being able to contact each other i was not sure of how to react till i even forget to ask how was he there...Of course i was happy to chat with him but its just that i dont know how to react!!!!!!...It made him very angry, it made him feel that i dont miss him...Haiz...After getting the opportunity to chat we had to quarrel...WHAT A WASTE!!...Im still not sure if its plainly my fault or is it just him for being to sensitive..Hmm...Maybe its just that we miss each other...This is the first time we're being away from each other and for me i hate to be seperated from my love one, so basically that explains why...And today after almost 4 days since the day we chat, his mum called telling me that baby wants me to call him at JB, since now he's at JB the rate is cheaper i suppose and so i called him...What a relief to hear his voice i feel like half the worries i've been carrying on my shoulder for this past 12 days is being lifted by half..I was worried when we didnt get to call each other cause i was not sure if he's alright or not...I mean anything can happen rite??...Especially in a country like Malaysia..Haiyo he got me worried sick till i got sick actually...Baby told me that he's coming back on Sunday and that he'll meet me on Monday..I just cant wait...I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Note: To Nazlita, Shida and Lyha

Thanks girls for accompanying me thru out this 2 weeks process...Especially Naz...LOVE YOU BABES!!!!!

Note: To Baby

BALIK CEPAT I NK GIGIT U!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-28T01:29:00.000-07:00

MY PAY IS NOT IN IM SO

PISSED OFF!!!...

HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO GO

OUT TMR!!...

I NEED CASH URGENTLY!!

2009-07-24T01:19:00.000-07:00

Damn im so tired..Just came home from work...With just a few hours of sleep, i feel like my eyes can barely open...My day started as early as 9.30am...Got up and got ready...the plan was actually to mit baby at Bedok before heading to my school but there was a change of plan at the last min...Baby's mum wanted to go down to Courts to get something..So we met at Tamp and followed him. his mum and his grandma..Den from courts (TM) we went to Tampines1, Ikea and Giant...Wow!!!..What a change of plan...hahahaha...Den from there we went back to his place to send his mother and grandma first as well as the stuff bought then we head down to my school after that we spent a bit of quality time together before i head to work...Wow wat a day!!!..Guess im gonna go have my rest now....Another beautiful day awaits me tmr...Nite ya wonderful people!!

P.S: Hey baby..I really enjoyed myself just now...hehehe...Jln ngan bakal mak mentua pe!!...Wakaka!!!..Muacks!!

2009-07-21T01:37:00.000-07:00

My mum's not talking to me..My brothers are getting more rude as the day goes by...WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!...Whatever i do is always wrong..Whoever i become friends with is always bad..WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!!...I love this guy and they have no rights or what so ever to stop my relationship...Dont judge the book by its cover lar...Plz lar...Whats wrong with you people...You look at the face and the next minute oh he's a bad guy...WTF!!!...Havent my mum learn her lesson bout what happened to me the last time...Someone who she believes can take care of me turns out to be and abuser and up to this day my mum still trust him...Can you believe it??!!

HEY MOM!!!...YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR DAUGHTER DIE FIRST THEN ONLY YOU WOULD BELIEVE THAT HE'S AN ABUSER??!!! WHATEVER IT IS YOU WONT BE ABLE TO SEPERATE ME AND SHAHIDAN!! READ MY LIPS!! NO WAY!!!

Our love is strong and you cant seperate us...Its getting stronger as the day goes by...Im happy with him and will always be happy whenever im with him..It doesnt matter to me what you say cause it aint gonna change anything...I am confident with my decision about choosing this man to take care of me and the rest we'll let time tell...

2009-07-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

We had an argument again yesterday...Why can't you understand that its hard for me to forget what had happened to me in the past?...I am someone who is hard to forget about something that really hurt me...What happened to me in the past has really open up my eyes bout relationship...It has thought me that not everyone can be trusted even the person you love most...I almost lose trust in all guys i met but i tried not to cause in my mind i keep on telling myself that not all guys are the same but its hard to forget something that has leave behind a scar on my heart..I just dont want it to happen again and again..Am i too stupid or naive in relationship?..I am not trying to say that you are the same as any other guys i've met but its just hard for me to explain...I do trust you but i'm just scared it would happen again...How do i explain to you how i feel?...The past keeps haunting me...What am i suppose to do?...Tell me please?...How assured can i be despite you telling me how much you love me?...

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME??!!!!

WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO??!!!!

2009-07-18T17:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's steamboat at home was fine...Wasn't as fun as i thought it would be..But overall i should say its ok lar...

To my brother: HAPPY 16TH B'DAE!!

I love today's weather..It raining and its cold, nice weather to sleep all day...hahaha...But i know i can't or else my mum would shout at me at the top of her lungs...According to her its not good for young women like me to sleep during the day..I think not only my mum think that way most of the mums out there think that way rite?..The only time i can sleep during the day is when i'm sick...Was suppose to meet baby today but due to this nice weather we both felt lazy to go out so we shall meet tmr den...

Note to baby: I love u baby!!!...Muacks!!!

2009-07-17T23:28:00.000-07:00

Another boring day for me...Was at home the whole day cause i was still sick..Luckily baby came over so it was not that bored...He was actually suppose to go down to ikea with my brother to buy his shelf but in the end it was cancelled...Thanks to my stupid brother he made my baby come all the way here from Bedok and in the end he say he was to tired to go out...WTF!!..He was at home this past few days doing nothing and he dare say he's tired?..I pity my baby...Kecian dia...Well tmr baby's coming over again..Yahoo!!!..We're going Giant with mama and my aunts to buy stuff for tmr's steamboat..Its a celebration for my brother's birthday..I'm sure tmr will be a better and fun day...Looking forward to tmr...Cheers ya all!!!..Nitey Nite!!

2009-07-16T00:48:00.000-07:00

Sick, sick, sick and sick again...Haiyo!!...Been sick for this past few days, i don't know what's happening to me...Baby accompanied me to the pharmacy to get my medicine today then we head down to Simei banquet to have our lunch..Well not exactly we but me alone..While eating and chatting my mum msg me and told me someone committed suicide opposite my blk by jumping from the top floor..Like WTF!!...After eating head back home just to see what happen.. Baby being the kepo one of course(hehe) went and see but the body was already covered...I think it took more then 4 hours for the body to be carried away...I really pity the family..Haiz...But thats the fact of life...

I had quite a big argument with baby yesterday but i'm glad its over...I admit it's my fault for not being sensitive towards his feelings...In relationship we have to be fair to each other..Rite?...Hey baby if you're reading i hv a msg for you...

I love you so much and i would never do anything to hurt you..You are to damn precious for me..Never have i expected for you to enter into my life and give me so much happiness..I thank Allah for this valuable gift he has given me..And you Muhd Shahidan is that special gift

2009-07-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

Life's been better now..Just completed my practicum for my early childhood course and its a great relief for me..At last i'm in the course that i've always wanted..Relationship wise, its over between me and Khairul its been a few months and my life have been so colourful and livelier, so far there is no sign of regret about breaking up with him...I am now attached to someone (Muhd Shahidan) who can really take care and love me with all his heart..We became friends first and eventually end up as a couple..Well it never came across our mind that this would happen but it did..hahaha..Allhamdullilah, i met someone who's responsible and someone whom i can talk to and share our views with each other about certain issues..That is what i've been looking for..So far my family can really get along with him and i'm greatful for that..So enough talking...Okay...I got to go..I'll update the pictures when i'm free